My 5 silver lining learnings of solo-parenting

As an eternal optimist I knew deep down I would eventually trudge through the dark icky tunnel of a breakup with a child and reach some form of light.

At 32 and coming from a divorced family myself, the shame and guilt of my own breakup as an adult felt like it was following along the same historical path as my parents, and this hit home the most.

My biggest struggle was the realisation my ex partner and I would ever be a complete family unit again. No more family outings to the zoo with our three-year-old daughter Pippa, walks around the local lake as a trio and the Sunday morning cuddles in bed laughing and being silly. The absence of these still pulls on the heartstrings. All it takes is a young seemingly happy family to pass by on my solo walk with the dog for my heart to wrench inside my chest.

While these moments are still very raw, they are becoming few and far between, thankfully.

From gut wrenching heartache, growth through spiritual healing and empowering moments of independence, solo parenting can provide you with all kinds of experiences, the lens you choose to view it through is up to you. Below are my personal revelations I hope brings you some comfort too. 

My 5 silver lining learnings of solo-parenting

1. Space For Self Care

   When my daughter first went to her dad’s house for the night or weekend I didn’t know what to do with my new found spare time. But while the house was quiet, the toys put away and sitting at the table eating my dinner-for-one I soon felt internal peace with my own company. Instead of binge-watching TV to numb out or cramming the time with unfulfilling social plans (the world pandemic helped with that one) I instead hit play on relaxing playlists, cranked up the diffuser with my favourite calming essential oils and dived into some beautiful self-development books I had on my bookshelf gathering dust which I would not otherwise have the time to read. I very quickly felt refreshed and renewed. It also helped to have the empty house when I just needed to fall in a heap and have a cry.

    

2. Spiritual Reconnection

   I have always felt very intuitive and connected to my spiritual health and have held a pretty strong foundation since a young age. Since becoming a mother I had felt somewhat disconnected from my ‘self’, but during my breakup I felt a deep pull to re-connect and tune back into that realm. I made time to hit my meditation mat more regularly, whip out my journal and participated in many of the exercises the books I was reading suggested I do. It didn’t take long before the Universe was on board too. I have always asked for spiritual signs to show up in my day so I called in a favour from the cosmos again. Sunflowers were suddenly spotted everywhere I went and white feathers adorned the footpaths in places not usual for a feather to fall. These were the signs my soul needed for reassurance I was being taken care of.

    

3. More Present Time

   Very early on, while the goodbyes were emotionally charged, I felt the returns were even more blissful. The first hug and kiss when she jumps out of the car or comes running across the other side of the room for a warm embrace at day care, they are e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g. I feel like a more patient, present and calm mother during our time together after having regular time to recharge on my own. Some days are still very much a big bag of overwhelming mess, but other days are so beautiful I make sure I take the time to savour them. While I still miss the times I can laugh at her funny quirks together with her dad, I also take solace in the sacred times when it’s just her and I.

    

4. Renewed Sex Life

   While re-entering the dating scene was daunting, I found it equally as invigorating. The excitement of meeting someone new, the butterflies in my tummy going on a date and having sex with a new man before debriefing about it with close friends has definitely been a freeing and recharging experience. Getting dressed up, sliding on nice underwear and feeling sexy has been the best sexuality-confidence booster! Did I mention more time for solo-sex as well? Perk, right there.

    

5. More Harmonious Relationship With My Ex

   This one is definitely not the case for everyone and thankfully it is for us now. We used to argue and quarrel all the time before heading to splits-ville and while we still come across heated moments, they are few and far between. We keep the peace as much as we can for Pippa, we put our indifferences aside for the sake of harmony and as we both re-enter the dating scene the distance helps.